I'm in Valdivia. Hard to believe really. It feels like it's been so long, which I guess it has. A lot can happen in 60 days. At the same time, the city is exactly how I remember it. The big casino that they were building is now open, but that's about the only physical difference I can think of. It was so weird to come back. In the Santiago airport I was waiting in the exact same gate that I waited in the first time I went to Chile in August. A lot has changed since then. I saw the table in a cafe where I remember seeing a really tall blond guy which I later found out was Devin. Honestly if I didn't meet him and eventually his host family, I can't really picture how my first semester here would have turned out. 

Speaking of that, despite the fact that I live three houses down from Marcelo's house I haven't visited them yet...I remember the whole time I was in Argentina picturing myself literally dropping my bags off at the front porch of my new host family and sprinting to Marcelo's house full speed. That is, until I found out that I can't go away for 2 months and expect things to stay exactly the way I left them. Therefore, when I arrived at my new house I ate dinner with my new host family and then decided to go on a walk, since that is my outlet to process my emotions, which are particularly abundant and profound (or so I'd like to think...) this year. On the way I actually ran into Marcelo's dad walking towards their house in the opposite direction. This is why I love Valdivia. Within 15 minutes of leaving my house I already run into someone I know. Being completely anonymous was a liberating experience in Buenos Aires, but not something I want to feel for long periods of time, especially in a foreign country when I am already to far away from all my friends and family in the US. Anyway, I had a great chat with Marcelo's dad and it was evident that we were both really happy to see each other again. He said I looked really healthy and even a bit skinnier than when I left, which is exactly what I had hoped people would say as I was climbing the ten flights of stairs up to my apartment AND my classroom every day...haha. Nice to know that I physically show the changes that I feel on the inside. He didn't mention anything about my ankle tattoo though...That will certainly be an interesting discussion when it comes up. He asked if I'd been over to their house and was surprised when I said no. I didn't really want to get into the complicated emotional situation I was in so I just said that when I get an invitation from Marcelo I'll be sure to come over and left it at that. I think he could tell something was different, but things change over time, and it is exactly for that reason that I feel more confident in myself after being gone for so long. So, I am back. I am happy obviously, but I am having a really hard time finding a song that fits my mood, which makes me think that what I'm feeling can't be summed up by just one word. Although, I am starting to realize that it is never possible to feel just one thing at the same time. It's always a combination of oftentimes conflicting emotions, which is a bit odd. Actually, contradictions are what make life so interesting I suppose.

I'm not sure what this semester will be like, but I do know that it will be very different than the last, which is really what I wanted when I planned out this year back in Seattle. I didn't quite think about how shuttling myself across country borders would affect my personal life and be a bit draining. However, I don't regret it at all. I think I knew what I needed for myself, and the fact that it was so challenging only adds significance to all that I accomplished. Ok I am starving and need to go to the grocery store to buy some oatmeal. I love the abundance of bread in Chile, but I have to take it easy this semester...I am not quite ready to give up the ability to fit into my jeans due to the healthy eating habits I established in Buenos Aires. Ah, I just found a song that clicked. It's called "Trouble Sleeping," not sure if that's a good sign or not...I swear sometimes my life feels like a movie. Come to think of it, I wouldn't mind watching it either...Maybe I can turn this blog into a movie script and make millions and not have to decide on a career. Well, either way I've discovered that it is much easier to watch a movie than to be in one. I've never felt so influenced by my emotions as I have this year, but I'm trying to let them wash over me and not fight it. It's kind of liberating really. Especially when I am able to make myself laugh in the middle of feeling like my heart is constricting and food doesn't have the same flavor it used to. 

Now that I think about it, I'm not convinced that running over to Marcelo's house upon arrival would have been the best way to start off the new semester. I would have simply continued the pattern of dropping everything to spend time with him, which does involve a lot of sacrifices that I wasn't acknowledging before. My new host brother, also named Marco like my last one in Argentina is really nice and is a volunteer firefighter for the city. He said he recognized me as the girl who was going out with Marcelo and always walking by his house, which made me realize how my existence during that period of time could be defined by a single description...Anyway, he and the firefighters hung out with a group of girls from my group last semester. Obviously I did not go because I was dating someone, but now that's not a problem at all...