I always have the most insightful conversations with my host mother as soon as her husband leaves the house. During those times, I feel like we connect because we don't have to sensor our thoughts as much as without my host dad around. I want to stress again that my host dad is not a bad guy at all. He's well respected in Valdivia, a hard worker, and wants to protect the women in his life. However, I personally think that his idea of protection does more harm than it does good, and leaves my mom and me feeling a little suffocated as a result. When I was talking to my mom today she mentioned that her husband had told her that he'd made the decision not to have any more exchange students in the house. They do not have students live with them as a means of financial support, but rather to give my mom something to do with all the spare time that she has alone while my dad is away at work. Therefore, my mom was a little upset about his decision because it affects her much more than it affects him, but since he makes the rules in the house there's nothing she can do about it. I do feel a little bad about being part of the reason that their five years of having students live with them has come to an end, but at the same time I do not take full responsibility for what happened. Honestly, I think everyone is better off this way. The director was considering not putting them on the list of potential host families after hearing about my experience so this way there won't be any drama on that end. 

Every once in a while when I talk to my mom about her husband, I get these gleaming droplets of truth that make me relieved to know that she's not quite as ignorant as she acts, yet sad that she doesn't admit it the majority of the time. Today she was telling me for the first time that she felt like she was trapped in a bubble, something I had always suspected but never heard her say out loud. Machismo doesn't really play much of a role in my life in the US and I try to avoid it whenever I can. However, in this house I am a part of a machista system that gives me a whole new perspective on the topic. More than ever I am against that sort of dynamic between a couple because it determines every aspect of the woman involved like her job, hobbies, level of independence and confidence...ultimately her quality of life. Obviously, not all of Chile is like my family, but this sort of family setup is more common here than in the US. I'll be glad to change houses, but oh boy have I had an interesting time learning about machismo from an insider's perspective.